i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
