So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
