I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
