It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
high people should be assigned attendants
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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