you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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