I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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