wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
