Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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