apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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