She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
