fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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