when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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