we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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