so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The adults are the big ones right?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
