I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
