Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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