Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
