Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
worst night to have a conscience
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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