After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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