yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
