barbara walters just said penis...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
