her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
