he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
