The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
