OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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