I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My liver just had a heart attack.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
