I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
