Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize