While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
