Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Randomize
