We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
