hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I want a musical about memes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
