i need an iv and a liver transplant
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
