ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
