My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
