woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
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