That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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