I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
