Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
