Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The Olympian is in my bed
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
