Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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