I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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