Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
