so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Randomize
