Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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