dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
