I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
