What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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