peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
