words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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