I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
