i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
