I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Randomize
