I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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