I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
