just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
