the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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