Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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