I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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