I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
