Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize