I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
