3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
