could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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