She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
