the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
