There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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