is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
