I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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