We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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