And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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