And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
