Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize