Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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