I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
