I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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