shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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