Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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