I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
