hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize