All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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