your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
