i will never coherently bang her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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