Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
