last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
