just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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