There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
