I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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