You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
As shirtless as possible
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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